Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes and candy bars at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and
a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being to fat.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney
Fife look like Dirty Harry.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in ! America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process
so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid
made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

quote:

---

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?

---

If they got it right the first time, you wouldn't keep coming back spending all your money with them!

quote:

---

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid
made with real lemons?

---

Easy...real lemon juice will cut grease way better than the el-fake-o scent oils.

quote:

---

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

---

Why, we're the land of poitical correctness! Besides, if he were to survive the lethal injection and got an infection from a dirty needle, He couldn't get rich writing a novel.

quote:

---

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

---

Picked one of those puppies up lately???? To quote Monty Python's "Holy Grail", "It's a simple matter of weight ratios."

quote:

---

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

---

They will if you toss them in a dryer set on high heat!

quote:

---

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

---

Computer workstations are also reffered to as "terminals". Simle fact is, the stray RF energy from the screen and processor is eating away at your brain cells as we speak! The airport? Could it be you terminate your flight there? Or as I did, I terminated my job for a better one this week!

quote:

---

Picked one of those puppies up lately???? To quote Monty Python's "Holy Grail", "It's a simple matter of weight ratios."

---

Now would that be an african on an egyption swallow?

Jason

European .... African Swallows are non-migratory!

"And now for something comepletely different!"

Texas gets Kinky